Communicating With Your Sex Partner. Part 2


Besides verbal communication, body language is also important, as long as couples don’t misread or “over-read” behavioral cues, Lombard says. If your partner is sitting at the opposite end of the couch instead of next to you, that doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t care about you or wants distance from you, he says. Perhaps the reading light is better at that end.

“Many couples think, ‘A partner should know what I want. He shouldn’t have to read my mind, he knows me so well,'” he said. But Lombard encourages them to talk openly about closeness and compassion, and about what they are thinking and feeling.

How to Communicate
Couples often acknowledge the importance of communication, but they don’t know how to effectively reach out to the other person. Lombard offers these suggestions:

Be romantic without necessarily being sexual — “It could be a minor gesture like grabbing your partner’s hand while you’re walking through the mall or patting him on the shoulder while he’s paying the bills,” he said.
Sex means more than foreplay and intercourse — “It starts in the morning, when the tone for the day is set by how you treat your spouse and how you say goodbye to each other, and it lasts all day,” Lombard said.
“Sex shouldn’t be about all the [physical] pleasures. It should be about marriage and relationships.”

Sex isn’t a competition — Too often, sex becomes a contest, with expectations of multiple orgasms, Lombard says. Some couples schedule sex like an appointment, on birthdays or anniversaries, and ignore its importance the rest of the time.
“A lot of people won’t have sex unless they make it a big night,” he said. “There are times you can have the bonding, the closeness, but it doesn’t have to be a big production.

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